There is a strange kind of ache that comes with having a parent or loved one in assisted living. You know they are being cared for. You know they are safe. And yet, a quiet distance starts to creep in. The calls might get shorter. The visits may become more spaced out. Life carries on at its pace, and so does theirs. And sometimes, those two timelines barely overlap.
But staying connected with your parents when they live in assisted living is not about grand gestures, it’s about reminding them, and yourself, that love still lives here. That the thread is still intact, even if it stretches further than it used to.
Here are some meaningful ways to keep that connection alive.
Reimagine the phone call
Phone calls can sometimes feel like a chore. Instead of forcing long, formal conversations, try shorter, more intentional moments. A five-minute call that says “This song reminded me of you” or “You won’t believe what the cat did this morning” can go a long way.
If you don’t know how to start, try giving your calls a little theme. Maybe Mondays are for memory sharing. Fridays could be photo days. Or just call when something ordinary happens. That is often when the connection feels most natural.
Prepare activities for your visits
Visiting your parents in assisted living is important, but what matters even more is rhythm.
When they know that you will visit every second Sunday or that you always drop in after their favorite activity, something shifts. There is comfort in having something to look forward to. Now imagine their surprise if you show up with a movie, a book, or a board game prepared for the night!
Some communities organize different activities for their residents. For example, at The Residence at Colvin Run in Great Falls, Virginia, the staff prepares guest meals and private party catering, so you and your family can share a fun conversation over delicious food.
You do not need to plan a big day. Just sitting with them to watch a rerun of their favorite show, sharing a picnic afternoon, or even quiet visits can be just as meaningful as busy ones. Often more.
The point is not to perform, it’s to be present.
Share what you love
If you listen to a podcast that makes you laugh, send it to them. If a song brings back a childhood memory, share it. It might look small, but bridges create shared experiences even when you are not in the same room.
What if you watch the same TV show and talk about it the next time you speak? Or maybe you can create a playlist together. Let them pick songs from their youth while you show them your family’s current favorites. Talk about the stories and memories behind them.
You may learn things you never expected from them!
Invite them into your world and theirs
Sometimes we fall into the habit of only asking how they are doing, and the truth is, they want to know about you, too.
Tell them about your morning, complain about traffic. Describe that weird dream you had. Share the gossip you heard in your office. These little details matter.
And, of course, ask about their life, but not just the food or the activities. Ask about the people, the staff, the small moments. So they have a new resident? Are they funny? Where do they come from? Who did they sit next to during lunch?
Genuine questions open real conversations.
Staying in touch with your parents can be hard
Keeping in touch with someone in assisted living can bring up many mixed feelings. There are days you will forget to call, days you will not feel like visiting. Days you feel like you are failing.
You are not. You are doing your best. And that matters. Finding meaningful ways to stay connected with your parents in assisted living is not always beautiful or deep. Sometimes it’s messy and awkward and short, but that is still love. You do not need the perfect words, you just need to keep showing up in small, human ways.
Send the photo. Make that call. Write that note. Sit in the silence together.
The most powerful message is “I’m still here, and you still matter”.